PRENTISS SMITH
Contributing Columnist
Whether people understand it or not, parents have to be parents, and being “friends” or “buddies” with your children is the worst thing a parent can do. When the lines of demarcation are blurred and children, especially young boys, don’t have boundaries, there are going to be problems.
Many of the problems being seen today with young men, especially young black men, is lack of discipline and lack of compassion. Young people, both boys and girls, have to be shown that they are cared for and that their lives matter. At the end of the day, it all starts at home, and if home is chaotic, then the lives of the children are going to be chaotic.
Yes, we as a society can do all of the ancillary things to try to mitigate the behavior we see, such as implementing curfews, putting more officers on the streets and locking up more repeat offenders. But those are measures that address the symptoms and not the root causes. The truth is that things won’t change until the root problems of the breakdown of the black family structure are addressed.
In fact, young teen mothers do not have the tools to raise and control their sons when they become teenagers. It takes a man to raise a man, and if that sounds sexist, so be it. It is the truth. Women can do it, but it is much harder for them to control and growing boy, whose hormones are just beginning to kick in. That’s the reality of it.
These young people need strong role models who will love and praise them when they do something right, but will also call them out and discipline them when they do something wrong. So many of the young black men wreaking havoc are without any of that. They don’t have a strong male presence in their lives. They are, literally and figuratively, “mama’s boys,” which is problematic and leads to some of the behaviors seen happening today.
Unfortunately, too many young women are having babies out of wedlock, and the young fathers are nowhere to be found most of the time. Some of these young men try to be there for their children, but since they have never been effectively parented themselves in their lives, they have no idea how to parent their young offspring, which results in their children growing up with no positive role models to emulate.
In the end, it’s about educating young people about sex and making sure they have the tools to deal with the changing of their bodies, which includes making sure they can get safe and affordable birth control. That is just something that the society is going to have to finally come to grips with if this pathology is going to become a thing of the past.
Things will not change until this dynamic is addressed. It all goes hand in hand. If there is no authority figure, especially for young boys, they will continue to exhibit the behavior we see happening in Shreveport and all around the country. There are too many teen boys and girls having unprotected premarital sex, which results in out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and that is a problem that is going to have to be soberly addressed by families and policy makers. It is more important than curfews, community policing and more jail cells.
Teens are not being taught about the consequences of having sex at an early age, and that is a problem. When young women who had babies when they were 15, 16 and 17 are now grandmothers at 35, 36 and 37 because the babies they had at such an early age are now the mothers of teenage sons and daughters, there are going to be these types of problems.
A strong hand and a deep voice used with authority goes a long way when dealing with young children and teens. They have to be shown the way, and they have to be shown the way by their parents — preferably both parents together. And if both parents are not available, the lone parent has to be that person.
As a father of two sons and two daughters, all of whom needed me when they were growing up, I know that it was my boys who needed me the most. That’s just a fact, and anyone who is looking at the problems that are tearing apart neighborhoods today, know that it is because there are no strong men in most of these young men’s lives to teach them to be responsible young men and good people.
The black-on-black violence in Shreveport, and all around the country, has its roots in the breakdown of the black family structure. That violence will not wane until that reality is acknowledged and addressed. The breakdown of the black family structure starts with the lack of fathers or a strong male influence in the home and in the communities where these young people reside.
This is not rocket science. This is not something that just started. It has been happening over the last 30 years, and now the babies of that generation are the parents of this generation, and they are ill equipped to parent their children because they were not parented.
The behaviors happening in the black communities are a symptom of the main problem, which is the breakdown of the black family structure, and nothing will change until that is addressed honestly in a holistic manner that brings all the necessary social, economic and legal resources together. It all starts at home. And that’s the way I see it. smithpren@aol.com