BY: JEFF GAUGER
Ah, life’s mysteries. Today, we ask the unanswerable questions of human existence.
Why does movie popcorn – as plentiful as air – cost more by weight than some precious metals?
Why are movie theater restrooms among the grossest public facilities on the planet?
And why are airport restrooms, usually with more volume by both headcount and weight, among the cleanest?
Where are the Walmart checkers? They’re scarcer now than whooping cranes and white rhinos. May they be declared an endangered species?
Why do I put my left leg first through underpants and trousers, but slip my right foot first into sock and shoe?
Why can’t car manufacturers make turn signals that last the life of a car? Blinkers break at an appalling rate, judging from their failure to flash on fully half of all cars.
Why do we call a football a ball when, as Wikipedia says, a “ball” is a “round object with various uses”?
What prompts us to believe with certainty that which we can “know” only by faith, but to reject truths supported by known facts and visible evidence?
Jeff Gauger is a former executive editor of The Shreveport Times who now teaches journalism at Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge. Send comments, anecdotes, suggestions and brickbats to jeff.gauger08@gmail.com.
THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN THE February 28 ISSUE OF THE INQUISITOR.