JIM’S WIFE
Driving through a neighborhood the other day, I noticed one house had a sign proudly displaying that it won the “Most Beautiful Lawn” award. And it was a beautiful yard, green grass, an assortment of hedges in many pretty colors of green and colorful flowers. What do I need to do to win this award? I want it, I need it, I have got to have it. My competitive instincts kicked in, and my mind was spinning on how to win, win, win!
Of course, my yard is only kind of green. There are weird spots that are maybe not what you would identify as the color green. What is the real definition of a lawn? Does it have to be just grass? Where do you draw the line between weeds and grass as long as you have the basic green color?
I do have hedges. They may not be formed into perfect squares or balls, but they are pretty much alive. And yes, maybe there are gaps and seethrough spots which make them unique and spontaneous. But where in the rule book is it that you have to have uniform and live hedges?
On flowers, I just can’t seem to grow any. I have planted roses which sometimes bloom and sometimes not. I have planted lots of pretty flowers I do not know the names of, and they quickly die, never to be seen again. I have been told I do not water enough and then that I water too much.
I have spent many dollars on bulbs. I love daffodils, irises and lilies. I am certain that all the problems in my life would be cured if only I could get my bulbs to grow. After a couple of seasons of planting bulbs and never seeing results, I realized that we do have a lot of rabbits that like to hang out in our yard. Duh! The little stinkers have been eating my bulbs!
I do enjoy seeing rabbits prancing around in the yard, and the tune to “Peter Cottontail” usually comes to mind. But I also love the joy of seeing beautiful flowers in a lush yard. Not my yard. But if it were in my yard, I think it would bring me joy. So do I get rid of the rabbits and enjoy flowers or let the rabbits eat away? What to do, what to do.
Now, trees, I seem to have a knack for. Some freak twig seems to always appear out of nowhere. I let one sprout out of a flowerpot, and suddenly I have a tree rooted through the pot. I have sawed on it. I have tried breaking it. I have pulled, prodded, begged and pleaded and even my garden hedge clippers will not cut through the thing. So, I have a new tree!
My dad used to have a neighbor in Oklahoma who put fake green turf on his yard and plastic flowers in his beds. I loved it. It was always easy to find Dad’s house. You just looked for the fake yard, even in the snow. Since then it has been taken up, and I have come to realize it is hard to find Dad’s house because I was used to identifying it with the fake green yard.
I think I am somewhere in the middle. Not quite ready for the fake yard but maybe a few or many steps away from the lush yard of my dreams. One big deterrent may be that I do not enjoy yard work. I do not like to be hot or dirty, I watch gardeners on TV and the internet, and they never look like I do after I have been in the yard for about a minute.
Perhaps this is not the contest I need to be vying for. will keep a lookout for something I may have a better chance at winning.
THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN THE June 26 ISSUE OF FOCUS SB - THE INQUISITOR.